I Thought I Peaked in Kindergarten

I was cool in kindergarten. 

Everyone wanted to be my friend. Bus rides were lively, my lunch table was crowded, and the playground was full of eager playmates.

But then I got older...(and cue the phases. The dreaded phases.)

First, was the coat phase. My body was changing in ways I didn’t want to face, so to hide it, I wore a huge white puffy coat. I didn’t just wear that coat in the winter months though. I sported the coat religiously even in the fall, spring, and summer of 1st grade. The teacher would ask if I was getting too hot—my sweat-drenched forehead made it obvious—but I didn’t want to take the coat off. So, I’d lie and announce, I’m cold. The friends started dropping like flies. 

Next came the coconut phase. Unlike the one year in 1st grade, this one lasted for quite a while into middle school. I’d like to give an honorary thanks to my mother for cutting my bangs so short. The fact that my head was purely circular and my family decided to move to Mongolia didn’t help either. People ignored me like the plague.

Once I asked my mom to stop cutting my bangs so short, that phase ended, and I thought I would be cured of being “uncool.” But my bright red cheeks became my signature look. No matter where I went, they stayed flushed—and the fact that my uniform matched their shade only made it worse. Students sidestepped the red blimp in the halls.

I felt awesome. Can you hear the sarcasm? To be cool, I thought I need to have a certain look and a lot of friends. My mom saying I was cool, wasn’t enough. This wasn’t the right thought process, but it was the one my brain had. Perseverating on this “uncoolness” was taking over my life. I needed a hobby–one that didn’t involve reflecting on my insecurities. 

Eventually, my teachers got me hooked on reading—starting with The Mysterious Benedict Society. I loved that the characters were misfits with hidden talents, coming together for a mission. In a way, I saw myself in them. I was a misfit too, and I liked to believe I had some hidden skills of my own. I just needed to figure out what they were. 

One became clear; I liked to create stories in my head and write them down. The next few teachers I had, encouraged this by having us journal daily with fun prompts that let me imagine different scenarios. One of those scenarios eventually sparked a book, while others found their way into it piece by piece. And just like that, the story came to life.

But I needed some help. I was just getting into it. I needed someone with experience. Funny enough, it was my younger 10 year old sister, Jenette. 

“Here read this.” I handed her the laptop with what I’d written so far. 

She started asking me tons of questions I hadn’t thought about. I showed her the outline I was thinking of and where I wanted to story to go. She had a lot of ideas of her own. We talked the whole evening.

She became my editor at first until I officially asked her to co-write with me with a short letter. 

“Will you, Jenette Ellis, write this book with me?” 

She was in, and I was excited. The writing of this book became an outlet that helped me through a difficult season of my life. The book phase sounded a lot cooler than the others. But, what was cool anyway? The characters in the Mysterious Benedict Society had flaws. The characters I had written had limitations and quirks. Yet all of them were cool. 

Cool–what I thought was determined by what you looked like and the number of friends you had–wasn’t right. Cool was a person’s individuality. Each person brings something special to the table and has qualities that make them who they are. 

Even in all of my phases, I was cool. Coat Phase–what a trend. Coconut head–what an iconic style. Red blimp–what a standout moment. I was so much more than just those phases like I was creative, fun, and adventurous. The phases didn’t define me, they were a part of my growth that made me, me. 

If we can inspire anyone in their journeys to read and write as their outlets, we will. You can learn so much about yourself through writing and with good books. Try reading and writing. See where it takes you. 

But most importantly, whoever you are, you are cool. There are qualities about you that make you, you.

So try to keep reading. Keep writing.

– Jerilyn